Memories fade, and this is something I'd been meaning to write about, so I hope this does someone well before I can't think of any examples to write of anymore. I'm mostly aiming this at one particular person, but there are so many people in this world who are just as confused as he is, so I hope this message can be of encouragement to anyone who may be in the same position, and I'll definitely be adding to this as ... my life progresses, pretty much.
First off, to make sure I don't start preaching, I just want everyone to know that all I know about love comes from a person - just one person. I believe love and truth are not merely things or concepts, but that love is a person and truth is a person - and it's the same one person of all people who have accepted this person into their life as their savior. Unless you want me to open up more about who I am talking about, I will gladly do so, but I do not feel like forcing anything down anyone's throat.
In the depths of my heart, it genuinely does break my heart when people feel they are undeserving or incapable of love. Granted, that heartbreak is tenfold for this one particular person, otherwise just honestly speaking, I wouldn't be crazy worried to this extent. However, I'm glad I have this heartbreak - it has revealed to me the compassion in my heart that I never thought had existed.
Anyways, I just wanted to point out that we are all human. By nature we are selfish, fearful, and have insecurities. Not one human being is devoid of any of these, as much as they try to convince themselves or the world. As a result, we all have faults and we all stumble in life from time to time. And as we struggle, are confused, and continue to make mistakes, that does not make us any less human. This quote from writer Danielle Koepke sums this up pretty well:
At this point in my life, I've tried my best to not use the words 'right' and 'wrong', as I understand that this world is a world of perception and that in actuality, those words are actually quite strong words. However, with serious topics comes the need for the usage of these strong words. I just want to point out that in whatever situation when we feel scared, unwanted, uncared for, ignored, stressful, worthless - whoever or whatever is imposing those kinds of afflictions on you - they are in the wrong and it has nothing to do with you've done or who you truly are. Granted, they may be well-intentioned, but action always beat intention, and the kinds of actions that elicit those kinds of afflictions do not portray love at all and are
wrong.
Just because you might have been ignored as a child, that does not exclude you from being a child who is worthy of love and deserving of love. Just because you may have been forced to seek unhealthy things to feel belonged, does not mean that you have to continue to do so to and be unloving towards yourself to find a place in a community that is already by nature shifting and insecure. Just because you've experienced heartbreak and was once told that were are not allowed to express it to anyone does not mean you have to continue to keep it to yourself in the future. Especially with expressing heartbreak - it is so, so important you bring it to the light with someone, as they can tell you things they can see that you can't, so that you can begin proper healing. And just because someone has loved you wrongly because they themselves are continuing to learn to love better, does not mean that you are unloveable in any way.
Please don't think that because you've experienced those kinds of things that you are undeserving of love because of the wrong actions of another party's part. Please appreciate the worth of the talents and gifts you have as a person. Please understand the joy, laughter, and happiness you have been blessed to bring to the lives of others.
Which brings me to my next point - just because you've experienced those afflictions and may have experienced such little genuine love in your life does not mean that you're incapable of expressing it. As I've once learned and shared before, love is a choice. Love is not an easy choice, but it is always the choice that brings truth, peace, clarity, comfort, and healing. Plus, there are a handful of times that you may have not even thought about when you elicited genuine love:
What about the time when you cared for the friend in the middle of the night who had gone through a reckless car accident? You may have had work in the early hours of the morning, but for the sake and life of your friend, you were willing to interrupt your own slumber and help him to the emergency room.
What about the times when you cared for the financial certainty of some people? Granted, you knew they would pay you back. However, just to take the worry out of their hands for the time being, you were willing to give away some of what you had.
What about your consideration of the time shortage you had when you picked up two jobs? You finally decided to love your body and give time to the important people in your life, despite your feeling of failure (And you didn't really fail in the first place because as you continued to reach your goal through other means).
What about your desire to really make things right with people? Once you've realized that you've been unloving (granted, it may have taken you some time to reach that realization), you really try to make things up to them because you realized what you did was wrong, and you were successful in righting wrongs again at times.
What about the times when you genuinely thought of what was best for everyone at a certain time and place? You may have gone against what you and others might have wanted, but you decided to choose what was best instead of what was good. Specifically, this one time when someone didn't want you to keep drinking. Not because they didn't want you to be drunk, but because you literally get knocked out when you've had too much to drink, and then they wouldn't be able to enjoy your company anymore. You managed to hold in your pride and temptation to drink more for the sake of being able talk with this person for the remainder of the night, and you put their interests ahead of yours at that time.
What about the times when you cared for sicknesses for the important people in your life? How the hell can you say you're incapable of loving people when you've already showed love and care to people during the times they needed it the most?
And I really don't mean to evoke memories here, but for the sake of drawing two really good examples of you being capable of genuine love, I'm going to be a little more specific:
What about that drive down to San Diego? You ended up not giving in to the temptation of buying a cigar when you were tired from driving so long during that trip, and then still even offering to drive more. You initially offered to drive another two hours, on the condition that you could buy another cigar to keep you awake. Yet because you still wanted to drive, regardless if it was because you knew of how tired everyone was or because you were scared if you weren't the one to drive safely, you still thought in the best interest for the everyone and continued to drive without that cigar.
And what about the time you stayed up and literally got no sleep, yet you still went to work for eight hours and school for another two just because you could take the night to assure someone that everything was okay? Before you left to start the day with no rest after an eight-hour drive, you even said goodbye in such a loving way, and you probably thought that your goodbye was acknowledged but trust me, it was. This particular situation in your life was so stressful for you, and the circumstances of having to be at work and school despite no rest were not in your favor. Yet still, despite the doubts, stress, and exhaustion, your response was still to love, love, and love.
Granted, you still need a lot of work in learning to love, but so do I, and pretty much everyone else on this planet. But that light of love is still there within all of you and someone, sometime in your life has seen it and felt it themselves.
There are times when all of us love wrong and we love right, but just because we failed love once or many times does not mean that we are incapable or never be capable of it. I solemnly believe that part of living is learning how to love better and to do so, it's essential that we make mistakes (unintentionally, hopefully) so that we learn to love better the next time, and the next time, and the next time.
Yet I also want to ask, have you realized the ways that people have shown you love? And did you let yourself receive it or have you overlooked it?
Do you remember the time when a family member you had a heated argument with ended up apologizing with a card, cakes, and a hug because they really were sorry?
Do you remember the time when holidays came, people wanted you to be around them and wanted to enjoy your company?
Do you remember the time when there someone was always thinking of your health and hunger?
There were also so many times when people in your life have put your interests ahead of theirs because they loved you through words of affirmation, acts of service, giving gifts, make time for you, and giving you physical comfort.
Are you aware that there are many different actions to express love? And that perhaps you may not have been aware of these different love languages? I don't mean to say that you may not be aware of your surroundings, but I just want to point out that you have been genuinely loved already and because of that, you have always been and are deserving of genuine love.
It's definitely difficult to go through the acts of love without opening yourself up to other caring people. It's also just naturally difficult to go through life thinking you don't need the love of other people, because our minds aren't wired like that. We are wired for caring, supportive communities and we are wired for true, genuine love. And when our minds and hearts don't receive that, the development of our true capabilities will be stunted and their revelations will continued to be delayed.
So let this be an encouragement to anyone that you were born to and for love, and that the need for genuine love does not discriminate. And let me just mention also that there is a love out there for all of us that is unconditional, never changing, never forsaking, and always forgiving. Will you soften and open your heart to receive it?
